You pulled away from me, so I pulled away from you. I pulled away when you hurt me. You pulled away when the world hurt you. And now we are both pulled away during a time when we are supposed to be pulled together.
For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.
People get scared when you try to do something, especially when it looks like you’re succeeding. People do not get scared when you’re failing. It calms them. But when you’re winning, it makes them feel like they’re losing or, worse yet, that maybe they should’ve tried to do something too, but now it’s too late. And since they didn’t, they want to stop you. You can’t let them.
I’m not looking for somebody who will whisper sweet nothings into my ear to feed the ravenous ego of my heart. But someone who can look me straight in the eye and say, I love you, whether you fail or fall, just as you are.
I don’t need you telling me I’m screwed up. I find more flaws within myself than you ever will. Yes, I’m a crumbling mess, but only because i’ve had to give bits and pieces of myself away. I’m left with remnants of the person I used to be. I’ve stitched those sections back together the best I could and even though my soul looks like a patchwork quilt – it’s warm.. and it’s home now.
I don’t want to fabricate a perfect love anymore. I just want to live a little better. To not be hurt anymore, and to not hurt others. I don’t like it that there’s so much wounding in the world. If there persists in being so much wounding in the world, I don’t want to live in it. My need for true love isn’t so important now. The important thing is to lead a life where no one can wound me anymore.
Oh darling, I know how to tell you’re sad by the little things you think no one notices. Like when you laugh a little too hard or when you curl your fingers into tiny fists on your lap but keep a smile on your face. I know you well enough to tell how you feel, even in the dark.
The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.
I know you’re bad for me, but I crave you even more. You came back into my life and that fucks me up more than you leaving me. But it’s not the same, we don’t stay up late looking at how the earth captures stars. We don’t look at each other in the halls anymore, you don’t look at me the same way as when you loved me. I miss you loving me, because I still do.
Many months later and I realize that I’m still in love. The only difference is this isn’t the kind that fills my head with fleeting memories or makes my heart skip at the sound of your name. Instead, this kind of love is the one where I find myself wishing nothing but the best for you, with or without me.