I woke up one day to find you’d taken me by surprise; that you’d built a home in the base of my heart and your laugh was an echo filling all the corners of my head. I woke up one day to find that things made sense; that you were where goodness began and ended and that I was happier than I could ever fathom being. I woke up one day and knew your kiss as a cure; your smell was a luxury and your eyes were a gift. I woke up one day and saw that you had stolen me, and that I was hoping you’d never set me free.

This is failure. It’s that moment when you realize that a choice you made, or something you did, has fully changed the course of your life. But what matters even more than this truth is what you do choose to do once you know it. The tendency may be to curl up in the fetal position and wait for things to improve. But if you can somehow manage to take a breath and look around you, you might just spot another path you hadn’t seen before. It may not be easy to walk, especially the beginning. But all that really matters is that it’s there. [sarah dessen]

I can’t help it. I can’t help caring. I’m forced. I’m too weak to restrain myself from you. I can’t help looking for you in a crowd. I can’t help thinking of you in the middle of night, day, or anytime at all. I can’t help wishing that you would love me. I can’t help waiting until the moment we talk again. I can’t help wanting to be more than just friends. I can’t help the way I love you.. although I wish I could. Sometimes I just wonder why I love you the way I do; but I don’t have a reason. I just simply fell in love with you.

You know, the right guy won’t change you. he won’t subtly pressure you. he won’t tell you who you can and can’t talk to about the two of you. he won’t hide the fact that you’re hanging out. he’s not going to tell you you’re wrong for feeling, for being a girl. the right guy will show you off to his friends. he’ll take it as slow as you want. he’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable with. he’ll take you out to places, even if it’s just a fast food place or the store. he’ll actually sit through your stupid girly Disney movies with you because he wants to watch them with you. the right guy will come along someday. you just got to tough it out and wait for him. but whatever you do, don’t settle. you deserve so much more.

When you’re thinking about how much you miss me, and I’m completely fine. Remember how I felt, and remind yourself this is what you wanted. Because with every day coming and going, I’m learning how to be okay without you. And I can’t wait for the day when I get to look at you and feel absolutely nothing.

Serious relationships are not something anyone should really be actively looking for because sometimes, the best relationships happen only by accident. I was beginning to see, though, that the unknown wasn’t always the greatest thing to fear. The people who know you best can be riskier, the words they say and the things they think have the potential to be not only scary but true, as well.

What they say, life goes on, is mostly true. The mail is delivered, and the christmas lights go up and down from the houses, and the ladders get put away, and you open yet another box of cereal. In time, the volume of my feelings would be turned down in gentle increments to near quiet, and yet the record would still spin, always spin.