I don’t give up easily; I fight for what I want. It takes a lot for me to actually give up on something or someone. I can’t just throw away all the hard work and time I put into it. I can’t just give up because times are hard, especially if that person means so much to me. I keep fighting for what I want until I can’t fight anymore, until giving up is the only option I have left.
But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long & now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind & the fight right out of me. & I didn’t know if I ever even wanted to get up & start breathing again. We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.
Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Laugh with your happy friends when they are happy; share tears when they’re down. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody. Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.
I still miss you, but not like I did before. The intense aching I felt isn’t there anymore. I still whisper your name, though not as often as I used to. Now it may be once before the day is through. I still hear your voice replaying in my mind, but it’s fading now. Soon, silence I will find. I still long for you, to feel your touch, but it’s not like before. I don’t dream it as much. I still think about you and wonder how you are, but my feelings have changed and they don’t go as far. I still feel you sometimes. Maybe you’re thinking of me or maybe it’s just a little memory of how it used to be. I still love you but it’s just not as strong because I’m letting you go now, so we can both move on. You still have a piece of my heart because I always feel you here. Now I’m hoping and praying that that, too, will quickly disappear. This will be my last goodbye, I’ve nothing else to say. Everything I felt for you can now just fade away.
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.
I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you, how good you look when you smile; how much I love your laugh. I day dream about you off and on, replaying our conversations; laughing at funny things you said or did. I’ve memorized your face and the way that you look at me. I catch myself smiling again at what I imagined. I wonder what will happen the next time we’re together and even though neither of us know what the future holds, I know one thing for sure; you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
There is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.